I love you

what is the meaning of these worlds?
How does it feel when its spoken by somebody who so many times rejected these words from you?
How many people love me?
How many people do I love?
I can say it honestly to my family and my 4 female friends
I think I can say it to two more, but about that I'm still not so sure.
Sometimes which is bad I say it spontaneously to some people, when I'm happy and grateful- bad for meaning of the words, or maybe u can love sb in that specific moment?
I do not love any man in this moment - at least I don't feel I can honeslty say to any of my male friends I love you, which somehow is healthy isn't it?
Ok somehow 3 are very close to me, but messing with big words?
But yesterday sb messed with these words with me.
Yes it was Nicky, I would love to know what does it mean for him, cause I'm smashed.
Dunno why- smashed of the words, or smashd with the statements answering my I love you, 1-2 years ago I dont love you, I cannot love you...
so never say never?
god damn